buttbuster's Blog

We dug a big hole in the side yard today and buried BRENDA today,,Many of my neighbors were here and a few people I did not know...Around here, it is a tremondus fact when one has to bury a friend, a horse, or other animal, that those of the same concious, come together...BRENDA was a rescue horse and was a favorite of us all. She would let the kids HORSE around with her and ride her bear back, tease her, fondel her, and lead her to no where...She was just a beautiful animal...

The times that she would let me load her back with camping equipment and take us into the wild for a week end of solitude was wonderful..We would go go cross country and camp in the Yellowstones, the Madras, or Canyon, was un believable...For over ten years she was my lover, my insperation, my cohart  my friend...DAMN I WILL MISS HER 

Today was one of the most sadest day I have every known.. I had to put down one of my most favorite horses I have ever had..She was so much a part of my life that I will mis her for ever...But her ofspring will continue to give me life and insperation for a long time to cum.

I have gone through life gathering and discarding friends, gathering new and losing them, hanging on to a few that I can really call friends, and then there is this............

For over five years, Mark and I have been the best of "friends", sharing in just about everything from helping one and other in construction, gardening, wood working, felling trees and bucking for firewood, and splitting firewood. Just sitting around rapping about every thing and nothing. We have gone to each others rescue in many an occasion. Then there was today.........

I have let him and his family use my property for hunting for the past five years and they have taken a lot of game and deer off it. With three blinds set up, they had it pretty much covered. I stopped by his house this a.m. to ask if was going out tomorrow morning, opening day here..he said no and I said OK, as I have a couple of life long friends stopping by for the week end and they would like to hunt my property.

Well, I went on into town to get supplies and when I got back he was dismantling his blinds and was in a tizzy. I asked him what was going on...."I'm getting my shit" was his answer and hurried off into the woods. I unloaded the truck, put on a heavier jacket and walked out into the woods  to confront him as to what and why...After asking him what was up he said"If you got to ask, forget it", and with that continued to remove his blinds...I was confused..."They're only here for a day"...no response...

Some times when we watch young children at play, there will be one that doesn't want to share his toys with others...I guess this is one of those times...I'M ANGRY, HURT AND A LITTLE DISAPPOINTED...I do not want to lose him as a friend, but if it is his wish to punish me this way, so be it.

In our life time, we all gain and lose friends, buddies, and associations that cum and go...There may, or may not, be someone to take their place, but it takes so much out of you,  you just want to say the hell with it all and curl up with a good book, a glass of scotch, and chill out.

It's Saturday morning, almost ten, and I am not yet quite awake. Was on here until after midnight trying to make sence of it all, drinking Candian Hunter, and trying to figure out where in this vast universe I fit in.

Gathered fire wood to keep my bare bottom warm, fed the livestock, fed myself, and gave up and went to bed fairly early, considering I usually don't go to bed much before two or three. I don't need a whole hell of a lot of sleep and am used to getting four to six hours if I'm lucky.

Anyhow, the sun is high and bright and warm as it streams in through the window here at my work sation,  Should get dressed and go and do something constructive and not waste the day. The house is clean, the stables are clean as are the animal cages and my self. Need to find someone to share all this cleanleness with.

Have learned, and am learning, a lot here and enjoy the rantings and ravings of some of our members. Some are sympathetic, some encouraging, helpfull, understanding, and one or two just downright mean or ignorant, but they are by far and wide in the minority. GOD, I love America and the privileges we have, and some times take for granted. EP is one of them.

boy, am I winded. Got to quit smoking. Just brought a lod of fire wood up from the woodshed and I can hardly catch my breath.

Have had the most enlightening conversation with JAMIEE2009..Learned a lot of the life style I didn't know, or understand about trans-sex, transvest, and cd and the like...well now, I'm and expert...or so I wish.

The past several days here have been wonderful....and entirelly new and younger and vibrant  group of KIDS have invaded us and I live it. There is so much out there in this big wide world we could all learn, and maybe take to heart.

I will go to bed tonight knowing that I have expanded my horizons and knowledge and can be satisfied in that I don't know it all, and am open to new and dervisified facts of life.

One of these days I have got to write a book, a book of the changes in the life of a gay man, that through the years has changed with every decade, a changing life style and perception of what it is to be the way you are. The changes in atitude, feelings, longings, and preceptions by the general public is nothing like it was when I was growing up.

Time to do chores and get supper...

DON'T FORGET TP SCROLL DOWN ON MY PROFILE PAGE AND VIEW MY VIDEOS.

GOT THE WELL PUMP FILTER CHANGEG AND ALL INSULATED TODAY. USUALLY TAKES A COUPLE OF HOURS AND I DID IT IN LESS THAN ONE. GETS TO TEN TO TWENTY BELOW HERE IN JANUARY AND EARLY FEBUARY. BROUGHT IN A DAY'S SUPPLY OF FIREWOOD, STORED ALL MY CANNING SUPPLIES, GET RID OF TRASH, AND HAVE SETTLED DOWN TO WATCH THE PM NEWS.

ALL HAVE A GOOD DAY. GING to warm up the next four or five days. enjoy it while you can....

Seven fourty and i'm tired. Has ben four days now since I have had word from my date. guess he chichened out. Am going to lay down for a while. May be he will call..

Night all....

I love you

It's Tuesday morning and I didn't want to get out of bed. Almost collapsed last night from fatigue and hit the hay at ten thirty. unbelievable for me, usually two a m before I retire. Stoked and fed the fire about six this morning and went back to bed.

Rigth now the sun is bright and warm, but it is only fourty degrees outside. Wish I had held off doing laundry yesterday. It was cold, wet, and dreary all day. But it had to be done. Don't think there is any other way to dry laundry but on the line.. It smells so clean and fresh.

Have to start on the kitchen today. It's an absolute disaster. Have been canning and freezing for the past two weeks and all of the paraphernalia associated is strewn all over, on and under, the counters and tables and floor. OH GOD....HELP!!!!!!

Love it here. Gets me away from all the chores and work in progress, from my random thoughts and wanderings, and calms me down for awhile. Have been here for three years now and I still get a kick in the pants with all the encouragement and kind messages from you-all.

THANKS...........

Well, it's Monday, and just after five. Sprnt the past four days getting the house clean, though not necessarily ship-shape. Ony the kitchen remains and I will start on that tonight. Want to make a decent impression on my company CUMMING on Wednesday.

Lost about a day screwing around on this stupid machine. Thought I would be smart and upgrade to Windows IE7...WHAT A COLOSSAL MISTAKE that was. Almost nothing worked, and IF it did, it took ten times longer, dropped out ten times as much and kept my away from the outside world. Microsoft thinks they have a better idea!!!  Shit, if IE7 was a better idea, I hate to think what the new IE8 is. So I got pissed about an hour ago and remover IE7 and went back to IE6. Now rvery thing is working ten times faster, no drop-outs, and I can get back in here after trying for the past week.

Guess I'm just old fashioned... but the tried and tested methods work..Look at me, I'm old and tried...and I still work.

Started at noon today and only got the bathroom done...Took five hours, but it has to be the cleanest bathroom in Michigan, well, at least my part of Michigan. Had a lot of water damage when the line to the toillet burst last winter...Don't say it....I was gone for over a year and if it had not been for my neighbor who happened to see water comming out under the door, it would have been worse. Have been home onlly six weeks and have a lot of work to do...new floors, paneling, vanity, the works...Shit, I get sick about it just thinking what it's going to cost...And then there is the hole in the kitchen roof where a big tree limb came thru.......

I WILL TRY TO UPLOAD A VIDEO AT LEAST ONCE A WEEK...BE SURE TO LOOK AT THEM AND COMMENT.